and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
