just come out here and I will go home with you...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
