Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
