Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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