Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize