The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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