do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
