don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
