she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I fill condoms, not promises.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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