it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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