I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
