I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
