Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
