i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think people are normalizing furries
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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