we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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