Im at strip club and am horny
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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