You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize