I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
