no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
