if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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