you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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