I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As shirtless as possible
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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