The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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