I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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