if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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