i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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