The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
