Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
