Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My vagina just recognized that song.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
