I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
