her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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