nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
