Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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