Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
