Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
