mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
