I just saw a hot homeless man
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
