after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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