Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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