I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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