"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize