So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
