Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
