you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize