I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
