I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
