I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude i'm inner monologue high
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
