Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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