My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
