coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
