Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
