my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize