i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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