i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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