Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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