dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can you bring me the toilet please
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
