So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's rum buckets o'clock
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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