I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize