I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
