She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
