Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
