my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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