i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
