dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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