my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
