maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
