get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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