she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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