are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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