I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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