Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm getting married
To pizza
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
