walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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