would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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