So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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