This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
