Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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