I am puke
It's just like the Real World with babies
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we should paint friendship bongs
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