Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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