Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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