Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
