apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
