just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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