***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
