my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i think i just lost a toe
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize