hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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