me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
