haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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