toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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