okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
