Apparently you make a good broom.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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