I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What a dumb baby whore.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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