he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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