You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
