I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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