After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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