Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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