remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
COCAINE IS GR8
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
