A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize