I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
