yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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