Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
