I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
