no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
