You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
